Chugging along

Ryan's counts are down - his energy is still pretty good and his appetite is fair. He has a croupy cough that makes me a little nervous, so I check his forehead about every few seconds making sure of no fever. So far - he has done well. He got to play a little bit with his buddy Tiffany tonight - that always makes him happy and the timing was good - he is about tired of not being able to go out and about. We have watched lots of movies and played games, but after a while - enough is enough and I can't really blame him. He got to go to Granna's last night and spend the night which he loved and it always helps him to have a change of scenery (plus Rob and I were able to go to a movie - we saw Evan Almighty - it was a cute movie - we love our kids, but it is so nice to have time ALONE). Addie has been at my Mom's all week which has been very nice with his counts being low - makes it alot easier for all of us. Addie is having a great time - getting to go swimming, having her toenails and fingernails painted - basically being treated like the princess she is. Of course, Ryan is keeping track of how many nights she gets at Grammy's and he informs me often that he will get that many nights when his counts are up. I probably won't argue with him on that :). Poor Grammy may be a little worn out by the time this is all over.

I have two praises to things I mentioned earlier - Jackson's MRI was clear!! and Hezekiah's counts are up!! Thanks for praying for these incredible little guys.

Rob and I are chugging along - honestly, the last couple of weeks have given me a hard dose of reality. The last time we were admitted for chemo I had a brief encounter with a precious little boy named Charlie and his Mom - Charlie was carrying around pretend food in the hallway and cooking up some yummy treats for his nurses - Mom was pushing his IV pole - Charlie had the best little smile - they had received good news that day as far as Charlie's progress - one short week later and sweet little Charlie was gone. My parents also have some special friends from my Dad's Navy days who lost their sweet daughter - Bob and Jean have been storming the gates of heaven for my Ryan since the beginning of this crazy ride- they have shared his story with many in California - and now they are walking down the road that they have fervently prayed that we will not have to walk down. Their daughter Jennifer was in her twenties - lived at home - went to bed that night and sometime during the night she danced her way into Heaven. No warning or opportunity to pray-it is also their second daughter to go to Heaven before them-the order seems all wrong - these are the things that make you shake your head in disbelief and realize that all we have is this very moment - your life can forever change in an instant. These are the things that make you freeze up in fear - then you begin to come out of that and start trying to figure out how to not ever waste a single moment. These are the times I lean on the the verse, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5&6 I know we hear that scripture often, but it is so true - we just can't lean on our own understanding - because we would go crazy trying to understand any of this. We live in a broken world and the result of that is that we experience suffering in many different forms and to different degrees (I remember just like it was yesterday when I called my sweet friend Susan to tell her Ryan had a brain tumor and if God needed to teach me something why couldn't He figure out another way - she kept reminding me that God doesn't do it that way- it's just this crazy world we live in, I'm so thankful God had her there to speak truth to me in those moments) - our Faith in Christ doesn't give us a free pass on any of this - as a matter of fact, we are called to suffer. The great news is - this world is NOT what we are living for - this is NOT our home. It's good to remember that - doesn't make being here in the midst of suffering hurt any less, but it keeps us going and moving forward. I wish I could say I live everyday thanking Him for my suffering and only thinking about my new home that is being prepared - I certainly do not - I like my life here - I want our family to be together for a very, very long time - I want my children to bury me - but it is my hearts desire to move closer and closer to Him - I'm just not always thrilled with all that He uses to do that. Never forget how very blessed we are to have this very moment - I wish I didn't get so caught up in the day to day and forget so quickly .....

Please keep Charlie's family and Bob and Jean Young in your prayers.

"Against its will, everything on earth was subjected to God's curse. All creation anticipated the day when it will join God's children in GLORIOUS FREEDOM from death and decay." Romans 8:20-21

"If we are to share His Glory, we must also share His suffering. yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory He will give us later." Romans 8:17-18