(Ryan and two of his favorite nurses - Rebecca and Susie) (Ryan having the needle put in for his port - my very brave little guy - Susie does the best job with him too - He is spoiled because sometimes Rebecca holds his back while Susie puts the needle in:) - all of the nurses are just so good with these kids!)


Ryan came home on Sunday - this round of chemo was harder for him and he did get sick. He seemed to be feeling much better once he got home and yesterday, but then woke up again early this morning with his tummy not feeling good. He went to school yesterday - but today I decided might be better to keep him home. He ended up sleeping until around 11:00 - I knew then he really wasn't feeling too good. He isn't eating or drinking either - please pray for this to pass quickly for him. I think Rob already posted that his hearing test was perfect - praise Him for that good report! His weight was also good AND he had grown this time - yeah!!! They were very happy with that news as we were told that they often just pretty much stop growing once the spine has had radiation - so this is a HUGE praise! His kidneys however seemed to have decreased some in function - so please pray for healing and protection for those precious kidneys. We did get to visit our friend Matthew and his Mom Gina with this visit - Matthew was not having a great time either as his chemo was making his tummy not feel so great either. It is hard for us Mom's - as Gina and I discussed - you just feel numb sometimes (which I believe is a gift from God - I never thought of it that way before all of this started, but if it all hit at once - you wouldn't even be able to keep standing).

The past few weeks have been .... well, they have just been hard. The mornings are really hard - nobody wants to get up, nobody wants to eat breakfast (I stress so much about Ryan not eating and drinking because it just has to happen!) ... I so want the mornings to be calm and not chaotic ... but it just isn't happening ... some days I just throw my hands up and think (sometimes scream) "please, can we just have one thing that is easy ... can we just have one thing that is simple right now!" Addie is having a much more difficult time adjusting to second grade - it all just makes me feel pretty overwhelmed to be honest. I just feel like I can't focus on all of these issues at once and am just not sure which one to focus on first. Sorry for the whining - but just pray that we can get our mornings to go smoother, that Ryan would eat better, and that Addie would have a peaceful spirit. She has gone through so much - I have tried to give her the Mom she needs, but bottom line is - when you are going through this - your heart, mind, every thought is always on Ryan - I have to really work to be "present" for Addie when I'm with her. It's just hard to juggle it all. I have been keenly aware that this "struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against .... the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the the heavenly realms." Ephesians 6:12 A sweet friend sent me a timely note to remind me - this battle is not mine, it is His. I'm so thankful He is our Defender, Protector, - our Mighty Warrior - because I'm pooped. Okay - whine over :).

On to some good stuff - I don't think we've mentioned this, but Ryan has been granted a wish from Make-A-Wish! He chose to fly on an airplane and visit the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse - so, we will be going to Disney soon - he is going to be so excited!! Please begin to pray that this will all fall into place - for all to be healthy so the trip will be a good time for us to just get away from all of this junk and enjoy being together and having fun! It does make me a little nervous thinking about being so far away from our doctor, etc. so I'm praying we won't need any doctors or stuff like that during that week. Another good thing - Addie had her first opportunity to sing in with the praise team in Little Treehouse (our children's church for K- 2nd) - she loved it and she was precious. I went in so I could see her and then sat with her for the rest - I wasn't much in the mood to be there, but didn't want her to miss her first time to sing. My heart did begin to change though - bottom line - when His praise is on our lips - we are transformed. One of the songs in particular truly spoke to me - it was about how ONLY He is worthy - they sang of three of God's names : Jehovah Jireh - the Lord our Provider, Jehovah Nissi - the Lord is our Banner, and Jehovah Shalom - the Lord is our peace. Later I read some comments by Adrian Rogers about each of these - I have thought on these names most of the week - I pray that I can trust Him more and more to be all of these to me.

Jehovah - Jireh - God provided the Lamb (the ram in the thicket) in place of Abraham's son. And Abraham called the place Jehovah-Jireh - God is our substitutionary sacrifice. (Genesis 22:11-14).

Jehovah - Nissi - The Lord is a reigning banner over us all the time. The Hebrew for "banner" comes form the root word "to be high" or "raised". This was the name given to the altar that Moses erected to commemorate the defeat of the Amalekites at Rephidim (Exodus 17: 8-15). He goes before us and behind us to give us the victory in all circumstances of life. Even in the midst of battle, the banner of the Lord is raised over us. Psalm 23:5 says, "Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over." Who is the God who prepares a table of celebration in the presence of the enemy? When the enemy shall come in like a flood, then shall the Lord hold up a banner before him. The victory in all of life is the Lord's.

Jehovah- Shalom - The Lord greeted Gideon in peace, so he built an altar and named it "The Lord is Peace" (Judges 6: 23-24). Shalom means - the Lord, our peace. Where does the Shepherd lead His sheep? Beside peaceful, still waters. (Psalm 23:2) When you heart is content, you are at peace. And where does that contentment come from? The grace of God. There's no man more discontent than one who is not experiencing the amazing grace of God. Only in Jesus, will you find security, sufficiency, and serenity.

Comments by Adrian Rogers

God was good Sunday morning to remind me that He longs to be our provider, that the precious blood of Jesus covers this family, and that He wants to be our peace. I don't always know how to receive it all, certainly don't always understand the various ways in which it may come, don't always like how life is playing out either - but I'm learning........ I find myself telling Him over and over - "I don't get this - if I live to be a hundred years old, I'll never understand it ...... BUT, I do trust You and I know that we need you." We were able to meet Hezekiah's grandfather (aka Grand Dude - it was great to meet you!! :)) for breakfast - we were talking about how until you walk a path like this that you don't really get how very much alive the word of God is - they are no longer just words on a page - ""For the word of God is living and active ....... " Hebrews 4:12
(Hezekiah had his MRI yesterday and starts chemo this Thursday - so keep him in your prayers)