Feeling better .....

Ryan has had pretty rough week - he just hasn't felt well at all. It is very strange for our 4 year old to stay in his pj's all day and only get off the couch to go the bathroom. I have really struggled this week to see him feel so badly and not be able to do anything for him .... I was also nervous trying to decide if this was just to be expected or whether we should be heading to the clinic. We did find out his counts were very low ... which does cause you to feel completely wiped out! I felt better once I felt like I had an explanation. Everything is still so new to us - I think we will learn to read him more as the year goes on. Ryan is considered neutropenic now - so we have to be very careful not to put him at risk for getting sick. I am very happy to say that he has really perked up as of the past couple of days!! I am hopeful that is a good sign that his counts are rebounding on their own. Please pray that his counts will continue to rise! God is always so faithful to send the right person to us when we are struggling though! I ran into a precious saint (Judy Howard) from our church at Wal-Mart. I have always watched her from afar:) as she has such a heart for Jesus. She shared with me about her daughter who was diagnosed when she was in 2nd grade with cancer - she endured 3 years of chemo and is now 31 years old - Praise Him!! I shared with her that this had been one of those weeks ... I would pray scripture and then Satan would whisper "others have claimed that before - it works for some, and doesn't work for others" - you know how he does!! I know that was a God ordained moment in Wal-Mart :) as she encouraged me to keep believing and claiming God's word!!!

Addie had two more teeth pulled this week - she did fabulous! However, these teeth were on the bottom and in the back - eating isn't going to well for her. She couldn't eat her bacon this morning - for those of you who know her - you know she could eat an entire pound of bacon if you let her .... so for her to say it was too hard to eat ... it must not feel very good at all. She is having a busy weekend with going to a birthday party and going to the movies with a friend tonight - she is all about any social event :). Ryan is having a rough time of course, saying it isn't fair that Addie gets to do stuff and he doesn't - I tend to agree with him - it's not fair! Before cancer - I just thought they have to learn that life is just that way sometimes - I know he still has to learn that, but it does seem like he is missing out on so much that other little boys are getting to do and learning way to much so early in his little life. Rob and I both struggle with what to do -- obviously we can't keep Addie home all the time and make her miss out --- we are just going to have to take advantage of the times his counts are good and that he feels well and do lots of fun stuff then.

I have a selfish prayer request :) ... our anniversary is next weekend and a very precious friend (even though we have never met) has gotten us two complimentary nights at a hotel in Nashville for next weekend. Rob and I are more than ready for this little gettaway - in the beginning of all of this I thought I would never be able to leave Ryan for even a second - well, now I'm learning ... you have to step back from time to time. Would you please pray that we all stay healthy and that would be able to happen for us. I told you it was a selfish request - but I think this break will help Rob and I take a breath and continue to keep moving forward. We have great babysitters lined up and the kids are excited!! God is so good to provide for every aspect of our lives.

I also would appreciate your prayers for Chris Oden's family - Chris "fought the good fight" against leukemia and is now in the arms of her Abba Father. I do not know this precious family, but from hearing from people who do know them - it is obvious that they have touched many, many hearts. Please pray for her husband JC, and daughters Haven and Selah. They have a blog site, it is : www.chrisoden.blogspot.com Haven, her 8 year old has her own site and loves to get messages!!!! They say it is helping her deal with this in some small way. So, please take a second and bring a little bit of sunshine to this sweet girl!! It is: www.havenrayne.blogspot.com

Something like this does seem so senseless and we can't help but think "why?". I love how Nancy Guthrie in her book Holding On To Hope addresses this ....

"We tend to think that if we only knew why we were suffering, we would be able to bear it. But would we? Somehow I think that even if God listed all the reasons he has allowed you to lose your loved one, develop the disease, or suffer the rejection, it still wouldn't seem worth it from your limited perspective. Instead, He expands our perspective by giving us a glimpse of his ability to run the universe in contrast to our limited understanding and experience. "

"Our task is not to decipher exactly how all of life's pieces fit and what they all mean but to remain faithful and obedient to God, who knows all mysteries. That is the kind of faith that is pleasing to God -- a faith that is determined to trust him when he has not answered all the questions, when we have not heard the voice from the whirlwind. "

(For anyone going through a difficult time - this book, I believe is one of the best out there. Nancy Guthrie has walked the path of suffering and speaks from her heart - the book is not so much about her own experiences, but really a great study of Job. It is a book for all situations, not just if you have had a loss or illness. )

We love you all, keep on praying ........